Tendency for Negativity

October 22nd, 2022

I am someone who thinks fondly of the "retro web". I love the way it feels and how it is so simplistic yet so crazy with all the flashy gifs, crazy backgrounds, and text that you can barely read. I think that it truly shows someones character.

When it comes to these websites though, a lot of them make these websites based off the motive of, "I hate social media", which is great! I do too, which to an extent is one reason why my website exists. But, there are times where I feel that most websites are made strictly due to this social media or "corporate web" hatred. At least, that's how some sites make it to be. Majority of sites mention this (mine included), and I feel that by making this statement, you are acknowledging that you created the site out of a negative opinion of another service you used.

I would say that typically most people who make websites in this style do not like the "modern" internet, but in the grand scheme of things, we are living through the modern internet with all these retro-aesthetic sites that try to mimic the past. Many websites today take this older approach and put a spin on it with the modern JavaScript standards, and it basically creates the "old-modern web". It's very cool when you think about it.

This isn't a foreign concept. A lot of video games try to copy the looks of older games through pixel art, and I have seen a few artists try to mimic the MS-Paint style (or just straight up use it, kudos to you). People like to look at the past a lot, and most of the time it is because people do not like the present and fear what the future will bring. It is very easy to look at the past in a way that presents itself without any negativity. You imagine yourself as a kid, sitting at your TV playing the video game console you grew up with for hours, and there are no worries to think about.

But as a kid, you probably hated the present. Maybe you just wanted to be an adult so you could do whatever you want, or you hated school and didn't get the best grades. Now, when you look at this today, you probably think that this was nothing compared to what you currently deal with. But as a kid, you were probably hating everything just as much as you hate it now.

In 2 years, 5, years, 10 years, 20 years, name any number of years, you'll probably think of this the same way. Or maybe not. There are some things in life that plant very prominent memories in our brain, and I have a few of those, like when I felt depressed in highschool, or when I have had relatives pass away. On average though, most people typically think "damn, I had it easier back then".

I believe that we have a natural tendency to attract ourselves to negativity and hatred, which consequently leads to drama. Who doesn't like drama?? That's why it is so prevalent, after all. Internet drama has been around forever and is still thriving (even in Neocities). It is something that can never be escaped, even sometimes in the smallest friend groups you can come across drama.

In some cases, drama is warranted for many things, but it is the way people react to this drama that can be very malicious (and yeah obviously Twitter is known for this type of stuff). There is some drama that is supposed to be small but blows up exponentionally for no reason (example I have off the top of my head is when Carson dated the 17 year old that was 2 years younger than him). People react to it just to react. It gives them a small dopamine rush knowing that they took their anger out on someone else because that person did something so miniscule and probably didn't even realize that thing was wrong.

The last thing that we are negative about is ourselves. I would say that it is very difficult to not think negatively of yourself. You are your worst critic, after all. We look at people in a perfect light while always highlighting our weaknesses. It is an unfair comparison, yet we make it anyway. It is difficult to not think about what we suck at, which overshadows what we are actually good at doing. It's a very vicious cycle.

After thinking about how I perceive things negatively, I am trying my best to stop thinking this way. I would like to create this website not as a substitute for social media, but as another way to express myself to people. I still use Twitter and Instagram to some degree. It's just that these platforms provide ways of expressing yourself that doesn't cover all bases, and same thing goes for websites. Social media sites provide an ease of access way of sharing, while this website allows me to express myself to my full potential, but involves a bit more work for it to come to life. I hate a lot of things about social media, such as its naturally addictive nature, but it has connected me with a lot of people I wouldn't have connected with otherwise, and I couldn't have asked for more.